I am so smart...SMRT

Now, many people are unaware of this, but my primary occupation here in town seems to be entertaining Melissa. Tonight, for example, we have our weekly Project Runway date. She also never fails to laugh at my terrible jokes. For example, Melissa claims to enjoy my Billboard posts.
Of course, she could just be an excellent liar.
Melissa does this thing on her blog that she pretends to be taking a break from where she puts up things that people have said around her that she's been taken with.
But she doesn't give them any kind of context. This is what we're doing here today.

April 18, 2005: "I've decided on a new rule of thumb. If a guy is into zombies he's not allowed to see me naked." -Jessy

Well, this doesn't really need more explanation or context; I think I did enough in these comments. I did, however, have some awkward moments with explanations to people about the amount of interest in zombies I would allow. At Turoni's. After Joan Jett. To people who (let's be honest) weren't ever going to be in that particular boat.

August 19, 2005: "Well, it looks like there is a band tonight. Either that or horse racing." -Jessy

I am a cheap bastard. I hate when bars have covers on a specific night, when all you're planning on doing is the same thing you do any other night, and get to do for free. Or, you know, whatever the revolving pitcher price is.
And I hate trying to determine whether or not there's going to be a cover, because I also think it's really rude to the bouncer to say, You know what? I'm not paying your $3. Never mind. and walk away.* Which is why, walking up to the back of the bar on a Friday evening, I observed that there was a trailer in the parking lot.
And everyone knows that there are only 2 reasons why anyone would need a trailer: band equipment or a horse.
Or maybe I've just driven 64 between Lexington and Louisville too many times.

September 22, 2005: "This would be my fave Depeche Mode song, by the way." -Jessy

I don't remember saying this at all. Although "Blasphemous Rumors" is played infrequently enough for me to comment on it.
See, here's the thing, though: when this appeared on Melissa's blog, I distinctly remember having heard "People are People" the night before, which is my least favorite Depeche Mode song. And not just because it's the only one Lou knows.
***
At ILL (my college job) one boring summer day, we matched up coworkers with Alice in Wonderland characters and I got the Caterpillar. The explanation I got was that I "say weird stuff a lot," frequently nonsequitorically.
Did I just make that word up?

*I have never ever claimed I made sense. Never.