This past Friday I had the day off. I was lounging about on my couch, trying to pretend I didn't have to wash just about every item of clothing I own, when there was a knock on my door.
When there's someone at my door and I'm not expecting someone (and it's too early for Billy, everyone's favorite Wacky Neighbor), I usually wait a bit to answer. My next-door neighbors get quite a few people knocking at all hours, and frequently they accidentally knock on my door.
--What? This isn't shifty at all, and I don't associate it with the shoes hanging from the phone line on our corner in the slightest. Nothing unseemly is going on on my block. Nothing at all. (This has been a production of Sarcasm Theater, in association with Denial Productions)--
Except I'm also anxiously awaiting my food-themed crafts swap package, so I went downstairs, hoping it would be my friendly neighborhood postman.
No luck: it's my new maintenance guy, looking for access to the roof. New maintenance guy (part of new landlord--my building was bought a couple months ago) is probably my age, seems like a nice guy. He apologized for bothering me, as it's my next-door neighbors who have been complaining about a leak. Then he tells me about how he didn't want to bother them, because he went up there and one of them was asleep in a towel and a tshirt or something. Actually, over the course of a maybe 15 minute visit, he brings this up several times.
Since I've been in the company of landlords who interrupt morning sex to show my unsuspecting friend an apartment before, I was nonplussed. Also, sounds to me like she was pretty covered up, if asleep/dead to the world. Please see above Sarcasm/Denial joint interlude.
So he looks around in my closets, trying to find roof access. The furnace kicks on during his visit, so I have to explain, yes, that noise has something to do with the heat and, no, I don't know what it is (other than it not being Chanukah candles, as a different surprise visitor thought). Legs and Johnny love up on him a bit.
As new maintenance guy is leaving, he turns and asks if I ever go to HHs.
Hmmm, let me think, I live 4 blocks away, it's the cheap bar in town with the least irritating juke box, I live 4 blocks away...
So I say yes, kind of trying to downplay my frequency of HH visits. Then he tells me that he thinks his buddy was checking me out once. Adds, "from across the bar." No mention of when this happened, buddy's name or distinguishing characteristics, anything.
So, normal people: how should I have reacted to this, aside from turning it into a funny story?
***
A dog just came into the library and threw up on the floor.
***
Oh, and...Go Steelers! Woo!
Anyone else feeling the Yinzer Diaspora this morning?
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2 comments:
I laughed so hard I snorted at this. Then I had to explain why I was snorting to co-workers. For some reason the whole dog coming into the library sort of sent me over the edge, thanks.
As for HH guy, I think you should have told him "ah, well, that isn't surprising. I am, after all, quite attractive."
I personally would have probably reacted with something super smooth. You know, like: "Oh. That is nice."
-Mel
See, I like to play up my alcoholism in those situations. And point out that subtlety doesn't really work on alcoholics.
There were Terrible Towels and Iron City (regular, not light) at the Super Bowl party I went to. Go Stillers!
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