I'm hungry.

Thanks to everyone who made attempts to cheer me up on MySpace. I'm having a better day today. I also feel the need to mock Shane some more, because he replied to my "I'm having a crummy day" with "I read that without the R," to which I was forced (FORCED! I tell you.) to respond with, If I hand't needed the R, I wouldn't be in such a shitty mood.
There's like a cat hair, or Lamb's Pride Bulky mohair shedding, or bit of my own hair in my eye. It's probably my own hair. This always happens when I part my hair more over the the side than usual, and it's been worse since that last hair cut where the bitch obviously didn't care where I parted my hair, because they lied to me about her experience with curly hair.
Anyway, you might not have guessed it, but this is the post for Billboard September 30. And I really am hungry. I forgot to bring a snack today.

• Goddam, now that hair-thing's on my nose and being all tickly.
• Fergie, will.i.am and some guy named Polow are on the cover. Apparently, there's a big story inside about the making of "London Bridge".
• I can't wait.
• Think that's pronounced like how Lori Petty as Tank Girl said, "Pa-Paw"?
• hmmm, I haven't seen Tank Girl in awhile. It is a good time.
• I wonder if my crew would check out the books?
• Are the books even still in print? I know for awhile they were real hard to find?
• Aw, one of my regulars just came in. He's got the day off b/c of a migraine.
• And that's when the small shreiking child arrived.
• Oh, and Fergie's got a tiara.
• Does Fergie the Duchess get to wear a tiara? Are there rules about that sort of thing?
• I bet there are.
• This picture of The Fray looks like it was Be A Model day at the local mall.
• Merivale Mall? Does anyone but me even remember those books?
• I just ordered the first Tank Girl. We'll see how well it goes.
• And the 3rd Barry Ween, which we for some reason don't have.
• When did Dane Cook become a big time celebrity?
• Does it have anything to do with Jessica Simpson not being as big a draw now, when Employee of the Month needs her, as she was even 2 months ago? Or did he hit before then?
• See, this is why the library needs to pay for me to have cable--so I can know these things. And it'd be cheaper than buying me a computer and internet.
• Bo Bice's pictures always kind of annoy me. He keeps shooting for Magnum and just not making it.
• Speaking of which, Melissa? Is my copy of Zoolander still at your house?
• Ever notice how, from some angles, Fergie looks like a bad mix of Taylor Dane, Tara from "Buffy", and the puppet that used to be on Solid Gold?
• 
• (The puppet is the one in the middle.)
• How come everytime I type "puppet" I typo "pupper"?
• I looked for a Fergie pic, but the bitch looks different in EVERY. SINGLE. PICTURE. It's kind of uncanny.
• Oh, Jordan Catalano, you are so pretty. This is an especially nice picture.
• Kelly Clarkson is shilling for Vitamin Water, or, as I like to call it and all its ilk, Grown-up Kool-aid.
• I'm just not a Scissors Sisters fan. Too much like Elton John for me, I guess.
• Ludacris gets 6 Questions.
• Stace, you wanna share your Luda story?
• Anyone else think JoJo looks like Lindsey Lohan would have if she had been allowed to grow up non-fucked up?
• Aw, Jane Wiedlin is so the most adorable thing ever.
• I think Billy Idol would look a lot less rough if he'd stop trying to still dress and style his hair as though he was still in his Generation X days.

I don't hate them but I know them.

Special shout-outs to Marissa who, after much hilarity and reference-desk-adjacent Stone Temple Pilots singing, burned me a copy of The Crow's soundtrack. Now we just have to buy the damn movie for the library...
Billboard October 7.

• Ray Charles is on the ad cover; Diddy's on the real one.
• Seems a bit backwards to me.
• Anyone else watch "Heroes" last night?
• I'm very quickly becoming addicted to that show.
• Even if Jess was totally a whiny little bitch last night.
• And trying to figure out the logistics of Ikin makes my brain hurt.
• Because, yes, I think too much about these things.
• You know what else I think too much about? This picture here of Justin Timberlake.
• He seems to be hatching his face from a disco ball.
• Add a little eyeshadow and lose that milk mustache, and he looks just a few coke binge/orgies away from throwing Toni Collette over for Ewan MacGregor.
• I do like "Sexyback" though. It's ridiculous.
• Apparently, rock stars are planning tv show's soundtracks now.
• On an upcoming "Laguna Beach", Chris Carrarararaba (bad news) has chosen, among other things, "Lloyd I'm Ready to be Heartbroken" (good news).
• We replace the flesh, which is weak, with steel, which is strong.
• Li'l Steven's using his column to talk up Seymour Stein.
• OK, no one is going to be at all surprised by what I'm about to say, but
• The founder of Touch and Go Records is cute!
• Oh, and speaking of Chicago--Raedy, if you're reading this, go read Guitar Girl by Sarra Manning. It's very cute. You'll like it; the main character sings songs about Hello Kitty, art school boys (it's British), and writing a boy's name on her stomach.
• But, back to the cute boy, we all know I'm just a sucker for the heartbroken-seeming, music-obsessed, writerish boy with a good head of hair stereotype, don't we?
• I just don't get many of them down this way...
• Oh, Christ, Puffy/Diddy/I Don't Care is back.
• I guess he couldn't find anyone else to exploit, so he had to release another one of "his own" albums.
• Dre and Snoop are also working together again.
• This is all because I've been listening to the Crow soundtrack right? All this mid90s shit.
• Speaking of, I'm totally bringing 90s Trivial Pursuit this weekend. It's on!
• New ...and You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead album includes a cover of "Gold Heart Mountaintop Queen Directory".
• Which I now, true to form, am singing in my head.
• I'm totally ordering the new Killers album.
• My collection development technique is unstoppable!
• hunh. That sounds pretty awesome. Maybe I should make a shirt.
• Or have a new email signature or MySpace headline or something.
• There's a new Beck, and there's some guy over by the videos who isn't answering his damn phone.
• Emmylou Harris needs to go wigshopping. Maybe she can take Whitney and Jessica with her.

Scenes from a class visit.

Some notes from a week of visiting ninth grade classes:
Ask who watched the premiere of Heroes earlier that week. It will help you identify any fanboys you don't already know*. Quickly mention that a large part of why you watched the show was because Jess from Gilmore Girls was in it.
If you have strong opinions about the Jess/Dean/Logan debate, this would be a good time to bring them up. Feel free to reward with candy those in the group who share your opinion.
Feel kind of weird that you have to explain to the teacher the general synopsis of the show, as you feel like you haven't been able to escape its PR campaign for the last month or so. Wonder if the teacher's been living under a rock, or just doesn't pay attention to popular culture, or network tv. Realize after the fact that you should have offered her candy for asking a question.
Be sure to mock any and all regular members of your crew (including any running jokes from, say, your anime club) who happen to be around. Not because you're mean-spirited, but because you honestly suspect they'd wonder what was wrong if you didn't. Also, if a patron has checked out a book you wanted to read, pretty much under your nose, bring that up too. You're allowed to pout and/or be sarcastic.
Don't just pay attention to what the internet is telling you about teens and immergent technologies/entertainment deliveries. You've got a captive audience and are offering candy (you are offering candy, right?) for opinions. What do these kids think about Jackass? Downloading tv shows from iTunes? Do they care? And isn't that why god invented YouTube, anyway?
If someone tells you they've read a book a movie was based on, ask which they liked better. Ask why. Don't judge if they liked the movie better.
If you've got Laffy Taffy, why not ask a student to tell you a joke in return?
Especially if your library is in a one-video-store town, be sure to mention how much cheaper your library is for movies, compared to said video store. Also mention that you order just about all the new releases, a bunch of older stuff, and will most likely order what patrons suggest. Talk as much shit as you'd like about how better your library is than the video store. Because, let's face it, you should be. If you work at the sort of library that doesn't order new releases on DVD and older stuff, especially anime, horror flicks, and other teensploitation, what the hell is wrong with you? Seriously! Why are you even bothering to do class visits if you aren't ordering popular movies?
Find out how many books you have at your library. They really like to ask that one.
If someone asks you what the meaning of life is, you say 42. You have just been tested.
Secretly, you are allowed to get annoyed by teachers judging what their students have read. Just try not to show your displeasure when the teacher says, for example, they'd rather a student was reading about Hannibal-who-invaded-with-elephants than the Lecter one. Kick yourself when you realize you had the perfect excuse to trot out your "my vice-principal was in that movie" story.
If someone asks you what you've been reading, and it happens to be 30 Days of Night**, warn the squeamish in the class about the gore.
Before throwing candy around any classroom, be sure to warn students of your terrible aim and the fact that you throw like a girl. Also tell them to duck. Laugh along with everyone else when the girl who wasn't paying attention gets beaned by a left-over summer reading sucker. Apologize too, though.
Yell at everyone to pay attention when you give the hours of the library, because you hate pulling out the "our system automatically shuts off in 5 minutes" bit.

*Not surprisingly, I'm pretty familiar with my area's fanboy population. We can smell our own. At some point, I began avoiding booktalking Joss Whedon-related works, because of my tendency to nerd out and alienate the class.
**Fucking amazing.

Only compared to some.

Billboard September 23

• The man on the advertisement cover is, I'm assuming, some very soulful, emotional singer.
• However, this is what he looks like he is thinking:
• "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
• It's just not a good day without a Princess Bride reference, is it?
• Unless, that is, you have no guacamole.
• Which, in my world, is pretty damn tragic.
• But then, I'm also kinda hungry right now.
• You know what I really hate about Firefox? I can't alt-tab between tabs.
• Or can I?
• How do I do that?
• The Killers are on the real cover.
• It's very grainy and looks as though it's lost a few copier generation-image quality type things.
• What's 'at called again?
• One of them looks kind of like Jack Fairy.
• Two of them are wearing vests.
• The one that sometimes looks like a drummer I made out with once doesn't look like him.
• None of them are attractive.
• And, no, David, it's not just about the beards.
• Rod Stewart's wearing a vest, too!
• It's an infestation.
• No...
• wait for it...
• It's an inVESTation!
• Heh--I'm so witty.
• And not really a fan of the vest, either.
• Exceptions made for in sweater form.
• At some point, I'm totally going to finish that sweater vest I've been working on. I swear.
• I'm thinking, incidentally, that the current sweater (that lace-leaf one)needs a name matching the cats' names.
• It's certainly shedding like one of the jerks, except green.
• It's also coming along quite well.
• aaaah, Anton Corbijn took the cover picture.
• That explains the graininess.
• I didn't even recognize Axl Rose in this picture.
• I did, however, hear "Knocking on Heaven's Door" this morning.
• And "Hey Jealousy", but that's a whole 'nother thing.
• Beyonce's licensing herself to a phone game.
• I hope it's like that old Barbie video game where you help her get dressed.
• I told some high school kid about The U.S. vs. John Lennon the other day at the school, so I feel like I've done my Beatles duty for the month.
• You know, the Killers are definitely less skinny than they used to be, but they don't look puffy at all.
• I approve of that.
• You listening, DiCaprio?
• I wonder what the Killers are like live; if they're a good time or just their albums, redux.
• Goddam, I hate you, Coldplay.
• Bob Seger's back.
• Berry went into the studio with the rest of R.E.M.
• I don't know how I feel about this.
• I mean, I had kind of washed my hands of R.E.M.
• Like Wilco, they're allowed to grow and change musically, but I'm allowed to prefer their older stuff.
• I just ordered some patrons to go get me some Dairy Queen.
• No dice.
• Ingrates.
• Beyonce looks like she was part of last night's America's Next Top Model challenge on the cover of her album.
• With the crazy wigs?
• This new ad has showed up in the Billboard classifieds under legal services.
• "FATHER'S RIGHTS!!" Phone number: 312-356-DADS.
• yup.
• Someone please buy Whitney Houston a new wig.

He's popping pills and he's calling his ex.

Billboard Sept 16

• I should be reading this magazine, but I'm totally enthralled by the Walkmen's webpage right now.
• I've been in kind of a general funk for the past couple of weeks.
• I've also been watching Velvet Goldmine a lot more than is advisable.
• I don't think the two things are entirely unrelated.
• Plus, all my best stories are kind of unbloggable right now.
• That's annoying.
• And it must be irritating to read.
• Like when your best friend in third grade says they have a secret they can't tell you and you realize, hunh--maybe your friendship isn't that great.
• Or not.
• And the Killers just get uglier and uglier...
• Although one of them looks not unlike a certain AV clerk I made out with once.
• More Envanescence.
• Now, I know I give a lot of lip service to my 16yrold self and what she would have liked, but I just don't know about this one.
• Although, of course, I always support the messy goth princess look in clothing.
• And too much black eye makeup.
• The shirt Ashley Simpson is wearing in this picture looks suspiciously like a cami Janice and I both bought on clearance at Victoria's Secret and rocked the summer after freshman year.
• At least one of us wore it to the Warped Tour that year.
• Except ours was cuter.
• And, keeping in mind that this was almost 10 years ago. Very Gwen Stefani, before her really crazy shit started.
• The founder of YouTube looks like whatshisface from Six Feet Under.
• Claire's art school boyfriend who screwed their teacher.
• The ads in this issue look like they were laid out by a high school yearbook committee.
• At a "special" school.
• Berry played with the rest of REM earlier this month!
• Does anyone see a vague physical resemblance between Fergie and Charo?
• Or is it just all the work?
• What is it about Jared Leto that he can be wearing a stupid hat and what looks like a backwards tie (apparently, if you can't read, you also can't put a tie on right), and I still think he's pretty.
• Damn you, My So-Called Life!

They're throwing a party and you're not invited.

(This is a librarianing post.)

How much of readers advisory services should be about bibliotherapy and how much is pure entertainment? How do you discern what a patron needs versus what a patron wants? If those two really are diametrically opposed, which do you go with? I know teen librarians tend to be all about the bibliotherapy (My life changed! Because of a book! The librarian gave me!), but does life really work that way?
The most dangerous question: Can one book really make that much of a difference, or are we all a sum of everything we read, view, and/or listen to?
Can you point to the parts of your personality or belief system that come directly from your favorite or most-read book? (Obviously, this question is a moot point if your favorite book has a major world religion behind it.)
I've been wondering all this for the last couple days, after someone on my trusty teen lit listserv asked for recommendations for a group of seventh grade girls looking for fiction about rape, abuse, incest, etc. Immediately, many of my fellow librarians went into bibliotherapist mode. Which is great, if that's indeed what these girls need. I can't argue with the idea that reading a story similar to your troubles could very well help you to at least begin to verbalize and heal from those problems.
But I also think I know a little something about middle school girls. I remember the kind of stories I was attracted to as a middle school girl. If you're a girl, think about what you read and watched in middle school. That's when soap operas first caught your eye, right? Did you have a friend surreptitiously pass you a copy of Forever, Go Ask Alice, or Flowers in the Attic? Did the "nonfictional" aspect of Go Ask Alice make a difference to you? Did you take a cursory glance over the new fiction before heading back to Sweet Valley High? Don't lie--that's when you started reading Anne Rice's books, isn't it?
My point is, middle school girls like trash. The trashier, more sensationalistic the trash, the better. It's something most of us go through. What harm are we doing by not acknowledging that guilty pleasures have their place as well? If you're shaking your head in disagreement with me, ask yourself this question: You have the day off, with nothing to do but sit in the world's comfiest armchair in front of a sunny window. You can read Noam Chomsky or V.C. Andrews. Which do you choose? Are you imposing a different choice on those younger than you, simply because you're older? Who do you think is the favorite aunt or uncle--the one who buys those paperback Nickelodeon tie-in picture books, or Patricia Polacco's latest adult-reader-oriented tearjerker?
Also, you'll pay attention to how I say begin to. There are many, many books I love and would recommend to a person in the same situation as the protagonist, or to someone looking for a genuinely well-written story, but that in no way can compare with counseling or other professional help. Sometimes, it's okay to say you're just a librarian, not a social worker. Or a doctor. Or a psychiatrist. Or a lawyer.
At its heart, readers advisory is about matching people with stories. To me, a huge part of that is finding out the motivation behind wanting a particular story. Rats Saw God fits the questions: I need 10 AR points; my son is suddenly flunking his senior year and screwing everything up; I'm a huge Veronica Mars fan; What have you got that's good to read? But is it necessarily the best answer to all of those questions for the person standing in front of you, or on IM, or through MySpace*?
And I kind of wonder if we're not doing a disservice to the not-trash by recommending, say, Leaving Fishers or Godless when what the patron is really looking for is some sensationalistic mass market paperback "about" "not Katie Holmes" being trapped in "not Scientology"?

Reading a book or watching a movie before you're emotionally and intellectually ready for it can ruin that book or movie for you. I think everyone has an example of something they thought sucked, but then went back and liked 5-10 years later. But what if no one went back?

Other random readers advisory anecdote:
The other week, one of my regulars came in and said he needed some stuff to get out of a reading funk. I had given him at least 5 books a couple days before (and when I say "given", what I mean is, "shoved at him and said, here--read this" and he did), but even the usual suspects weren't catching his interest. He's also slogging his way through a big thick classic for AP Senior English. So I headed into the juvenile fiction stacks. I asked how often he reread stuff, and explained that, when I'm stuck, or not feeling well, or cranky, I tend to go back and reread certain things. If I'm sick, for example, I want Mrs Grass's chicken soup and Narnia. So I gave him Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising (he hadn't read it) and sent him on his way. Reading slump solved.
We can all talk about reading up, or down, or comfort level, or finding reflections of our lives in fictional work and the importance of that, but sometimes it's really as simple as What fits the best in this particular situation?

*Bringing up another question: Should you consider a person's MySpace page before recommending a book? If a girl's page was all faux-Girls-Gone-Wild and she asked you what was new and good, would it all be serious works about girls with bad reputations? Don't you think she'd get the hint, and do you think that would damage your credibility in her eyes?
Can you tell someone they should read Sandpiper (which, incidentally, I love and you should all read) without the underlying sentiment of, "this is book about a slutty girl who realizes maybe it's not such a great idea to be so easy. Hey, maybe you could learn something from it, if you catch my drift"?
And speaking of, when the hell is Sara Zarr's Story of a Girl coming out? I'd let you borrow my galley copy, but I might have to break some legs if I don't get it back.

Here's a truck stop instead of Saint Peter's.

Feed, if you aren’t a teen librarian, is a book about a group of teens, in The Future, and how vapid their Future lives are.
Well, actually, it’s a book about how smart M.T. Anderson is, and how, by extension, his fans are smarter than your average teenager (or adult, if you’re a YA librarian). I found the entire book to be condescending as hell; the worst, though, was the author bio, where Anderson claimed to get the idea for the language and dialogue in the book from overhearing conversations at malls.
Well, of course it’s going to seem like language and discourse are dead arts and people are becoming worse and worse at communication and vocabularies are shrinking if your “research” consists of listening to people while they shop. Imagine if he had been at a grocery store instead—every character would be obsessed with the firmness of their salad, the weird liquid around their meat. Seriously: think about the last time you were shopping for clothes. Were you having an intelligent, thought-provoking conversation about the world around you, life, love, etc., or were you insulting your friend by calling her Nina Garcia while trying to decide if light grey patent leather open-toe shoes are too old lady?
Yeah, that’s what I thought. They were cute shoes, though. Too bad they didn’t fit me right.
Anyway, the main character and his friends go to the moon and it sucks. (That, incidentally, is a paraphrase of the book’s first line. It’s a great line; book totally goes downhill from there.) It sucks because some jerks come and hack into their feeds, which are these computer things wired into everyone’s brain in The Future. Because that way everyone can know stuff without having to learn it is the theory, I guess. In practice, it’s so a thinly-veiled Abercrombie can make you want to buy stuff…in your brain! You can also watch tv in your brain and chat with your friends in your brain. But not in like a telekinesis, know each others thoughts kind of way. In an AIM is in your brain kind of way. I don’t know; I don’t understand the “science” behind all this, and I’m not sure MT does either.
Oh, and you also get advertised to in your dreams. Which, I would think, would make people’s lives easier, or at least more straight-forward. Like, if I go home tonight and dream about having split ends, I’m going to think it’s weird and confusing and wonder what my brain was trying to tell me. But if I was in Feed, I’d know it was just Loreal doing its job.
While our intrepid stupid teens are in the hospital, they meet a poor ickle sick girl, who is sick because her Future Luddite parents didn’t install her feed until puberty, or something. Because they wanted her to read books. Or something. Too late, in any case, for it to really mesh well. And I think they might be poor (so noble! Any minute now, she’ll be dancing on the tables in steerage with Leo!), so she’s got a crap model.
Of course, main character/narrator (remember, folks—it’s not YA if it’s not first person!) falls in love with ickle sick smart poor girl, because she’s pure and smart and thinks about things like the implications of having a computer wired into your brain and pollution and stuff. If they had a school dance, she’d totally paint a poster of the Earth that said, “Don’t tread on me.” And then vampires would come because they had to invite everyone.
But they don’t have a school dance, because she dies. (Plus, I think she might be home schooled or something. You know, by her Future Luddite/hippie parents.) And everyone learns a lesson. And every year after that, they celebrate Stargirl’s contribution to their lives.
Sorry, wrong hackneyed, “Let’s all learn something from the nice noncomformist because we’re stupid sheep” YA novel.
See, this is what really gets my goat about this book. It’s not just the condescension; it’s the feeding into the, let’s face it, natural condescension of your average smart teenager. Books like these buy into the idea that smarter = better, and that those who don’t feel comfortable doing what most of society does are somehow better, smarter, and have something to teach everyone else. Not only do I think that’s a pretty crap version of humanity, but people like that are fucking insufferable. It’s like if all the Smurfs suddenly deferred to Brainy. Or if everyone agreed with my assessment of this book because I’ve got an MLS.
I think, secretly, a lot of librarians like this book because they were teens who thought they were better and smarter then their peers. And, yeah, I did too, but then I made smart friends. And grew out of that shit.

Oh, and there are filet mignon bushes, which sounds kind of awesome to me. I’d totally be Homering it up, like in the episode where the Germans talk about coming from the land of chocolate and Homer fantasizes taking a giant bite out of a dog.
And the requisite flying cars.