My library wins again.

...because we're better endowed.

(sorry--couldn't help the terrible joke)

power trips down lovers lane

...or a jaunt down memory lane with Melissa.
Remember how damn funny this was?
It says it has no comments, but it lies. Click on "Comment" to read others' hilarity.

I heart kids' book reviews.

It's about the Holocaust + this girl named Anne Marie + she has a friend named Ellen WHICH is a Jew!!

You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline.

Billboard May 27

• Here's Belle & Sebastian covering "Borderline".
• It's quite possibly the best thing I've seen all week.
• That and the little squishy red bear I got from a gumball machine in Steak 'n' Shake last night on Melissa's quarter.
• It's been a rough week.
  
• But, on the plus side, I do enjoy bullying my patrons into signing up for the summer reading program.
• Wow, that magic show is loud.
• Really, public librarians have the strangest jobs.
• Oh! The other day's due date was my birthday.
  
• I tried to help out on the circ desk as much as possible.
• Everyone likes an "adult" constantly reminding them that June 27 is that adult's birthday, right?
• Right?
• I've decided that what I really really want for my birthday is internet signup software.
• Santa? You listening?
• But for everyone who can't afford that, here's some tips.
  
• If you'll be at ALA, you can give me my present in person.
• Seriously, who's going to be at ALA this year? I don't know of anyone else yet.
• Of course, it's not like I'm not used to doing things by myself, but company's always fun too.
  
• It's all thundery.
• Who heard Terry's interview with Leonard Cohen last week?
• It was really amazing. He read brand new stuff.
• Damn, it's raining hard.
• And one of my tires is really low.
• Hopefully, it'll hold out til tomorrow.
• 6 question is with Joan Jett!
  
• I do so love her.
• She's so bad ass.
• Here ends the June 1 portion.

***

• Here begins the June 2 portion.
• I'm now super-excited about this idea.
• Of course, it does involve buying the Post Secret book for work, but that's just a risk I'm going to have to take.
• Damn, I keep forgetting about how I need to buy the new Walkmen album.
• Of course, I also need a haircut, some prescription strength flea stuff for the jerks, and maybe a new tire for Junior.
• And a less craptacular digital camera.
• I want one with a zoomyzoom.
• Damn, when's this coffee going to kick in?
  
• If I got decaf I'm gonna be PISSED.
• Well, in a very sedate kind of way.
  
• So more like PISSED.
• OK, I'm now convinced that was decaf.
• When I finally wake up, I'm so kicking Ronald McDonald's ass.
• I'm also blogging about the huge disappointment that was jPod.
• Especially since Dave Itzkoff didn't agree with me.
• Which is kind of strange, given what a crank he can come off as.
• Not that I don't like his writing.
• I was just expecting something different from Lads.
• Or maybe I'm just the crank.
• Everyone out there in my enormous readership is nodding their heads in agreement right now, aren't they?

Next, I'm going to find a sleeping dog to not let lie.

OK, I know I'm going to get shit for this one, but can someone explain to me what on earth possessed author, agent, publisher, etc. to name a "squeaky clean" (according to SLJ) book Sex Kittens and Horn Dawgs Fall In Love?
It just seems like asking for a banning to me. And--what a surprise--it has been.
And doesn't it seem like SLJ had to include that "squeaky clean" only because of the title?
You can read the SLJ and Booklist reviews here.
Book Description (from jacket flap):

Meet Felicia, 14-year-old student at the Manhattan Free Children's School (also known as the Pound). In Felicia's world, she and her best friends, Jess and Kat, like to refer to themselves as the Sex Kittens, and the boys they know as the Horn Dawgs.
Felicia is getting tired of waiting for a Horn Dawg to notice her uniqueness, however. So she devises a project she and the object of her affection, Matthew the Science Brain, can work on together. Felicia is determined to discover the Secret of Love with Matthew while winning both Matthew's heart and the science fair. But love has other plans.
(Doesn't it always?)

Now, before you get all riled up, YES, I bought this for the teenhole. YES, if someone tried to challenge it, I'd fight. But, you know, I almost didn't buy it. Think back to when you were in 6th grade (SLJ puts this book as for 6-9 grade; Booklist says 7-10), at the library with your parents. Or at the school library with your friends. Would you have picked up a book with the word SEX in big bubble letters on the cover? It's embarrassing.
It seemed then, and still does now, like this title was chosen specifically to perk up sales on what would otherwise be yet another nice girl romance. Read those reviews again. Go ahead, I'll wait. They aren't very good, are they?
VOYA's is better:

One of the better humorous and sexless chick-lit books, it might attract male readers. The book is a match for middle school and public libraries.

But, again, my middle-schoolers who want sexless chicklit AREN'T GOING TO GET A BOOK WITH "SEX" ON THE COVER PAST THEIR PARENTS.
Plus, how many damn times can SLJ say "light and fluffy" in one review? For reals.
Kirkus almost comes out and calls it false advertising, which is really my point, too:

Although the title belies something steamier, this is a tame offering for younger teens who enjoy Meg Cabot's and Sue Limb's books and are looking for pure entertainment.

If I pick up a book that says SEX on the cover, I've got certain expectations, dammit. This is what I don't like about most pulps, either. And I don't think your average teenage girl would disagree. Otherwise, VC Andrews' corpse is out of a job.
***
SLJ's on my shitlist right now, anyway, because they totally blew the ending of Pucker in their review.

Man, Billy Bragg really hates James Blunt.

Billboard May 20, 2006

• I've been listening to a lot of the KEXP podcasts lately, thanks to Tiff.
  
• There's not enough rock, a bit too much poorly micced (miced? mic'ed? help) talk for my taste.
  
• But when the rocking starts, it's good.
  
• And the parts of the Billy Bragg one where he goes on and fucking on about what a general all around wanker James Blunt is are somewhat indescribable.
  
• Like, I wonder if there should be some sort of context:
  
• Does Billy Bragg get compared to James Blunt a lot?
  
• Did James Blunt take the last burger out from under Billy Bragg's nose at the BBBBQ* the night before?
  
• Did Billy Bragg lose the Queen of SXSW title to James Blunt?
  
• Anyway, the 2 big things on the cover this time are hiphop's big deals and Tool's new album.
  
• Neither of which I really care about, which would be why I've been going on and on about Billy Bragg vs James Blunt.
  
• Blue Man Group will be making ads for Swatch.
  
• I hope Tobias is their understudy, still.
  
• Aw, lookit this cute picture of David Cross.
  
• While we're at it and bored with Billboard, here's a very cute picture of Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd.
  
• Tiff, what were we watching that bbq sauce-faced girl from Wet Hot American Summer was in?
  
• "Tool's new album features artwork that can be viewed through a 'stereoscopic lens.'"
  
• I'm just sayin'.
  
• Sorry, this isn't very entertaining.
  
• Hell, it's barely entertaining me.
  
• Shouldn't Amazon let you sort your search results by descending release date?
  
• So Li'l Steven says that Paul Westerberg wrote a song on Joan Jett's new album.
  
• I can't find any other news about this.
  
• Or an answer to my question, Is this a new song, or "Androgynous" like she covered when we saw her at the casino?
  
• After which, when I was jazzed about the cover and the show in general, a friend of mine called the song "filler" on Let It Be.
  
• Ass.
  
• Also, Li'l Steven is mad at Mr Jobs for "tricking" the judge into letting him win the Apple vs Apple lawsuit.
  
• He even brings George Orwell into it.
  
• Not Li'l Steven's finest hour.
  
• Hey, did you guys know that Elizabeth Peyton painted Andre 3000?
  
• and here it is
  
• PoBaL previews:
  
• I made a skirt this weekend, and there'll be an illustrated post about that at some point.
  
• There's a new Bananarama album
  
• Hunh.
  

*The xtra B is for xtra barbecue.
What's that other B for?
That's a typo.

by way of explanation...

This should clear up a few questions. You know, like when Wacky Neighbor looked at me and asked, "Do you date?"

I do so love the blockquote:

There is a skill that most of us city mice have. I call it the Urban Eye Slide. This is the ability to scope out one's surroundings quickly but without actually seeming to look at anything at all. This allows you to find the open seat on a crowded train, to move to the other side of the sidewalk well in advance of people handing out flyers or crappy free newspapers, or to sort of let your eyes skip over the spare-changing homeless guy on the corner, while pasting what you hope is a small wistful sympathetic smile on your face, and three steps past him you will have pangs of conscience about this but sometimes you are just not in the mood. There are downsides to the Urban Eye Slide as well. I have stood on El platforms right next to people I actually know and not seen them.

This is from Mimi Smartypants. I read it in The World According to Mimi Smartypants, which I couldn't really get through (sorry, Tiff), but the accuracy of this bit caught my eye.
If you're my friend and I've ever walked right damn past you, the above quote is why. Sorry.

Advice for the Recently Graduated

(If I ever am called on to give a speech at a graduation, this may just be it.)

Many recent graduates are not just leaving college; they're also leaving town. They're starting new jobs in new towns where they don't know anyone. Moving like that is scary.
I'm here to give everyone in that boat a little bit of advice:

Don't get drunk until you've met everyone in town.

One of the best ways to meet new people when you move to a new town is through community-type internet sites, like Friendster or MySpace. Do a zip code search, and then throw yourself on the mercy of a few select locals. Try not to pick the stalky ones. If you have pizza delivered and then receive an email the next day from the delivery boy, you've found one of the stalky ones.
Eventually, one of these locals (let's call them Local A) will invite you out to his going-away party, for example. You can meet other locals there.
Don't get drunk until you've met everyone in town.

If you get drunk at this event before you've met everyone in town, you will stop paying attention to the new people that you meet. These people may get offended when you "meet" them at a later date.
You may, in fact, wind up on a date with one of them a year later, set up by their xgirlfriend.
He will probably not find the whole "being set up by an x" thing nearly as funny as you do.
He may also refer to the going away party as the occasion when Local A dumped you on a friend of his. Because you didn't heed my advice, you will be too mortified by how goddam drunk you were on that one night over a year ago to bring up any of the following points:

• Two roads diverge in a wood.* One has a cute boy who is leaving for a city you hate. The other has a cute boy who is not leaving for any city, hated by you or otherwise. Who are you going to talk to?
• After a few successfully fun dates, this friend of your current date's "let's be friends"-ed you via a MySpace message.
• And is now kind of a huge joke amongst you and your friends.
• Additionally, at one's goodbye party, one normally works the crowd, saying goodbye to them.
• Is it just you, or does your date hold some kind of animosity towards Local A?
• Why are you still bothered by this several months later, anyway?

And then he won't walk you to your car, despite it being after dark and your car being down a side street.
You'll go see a movie with this guy and reach unknown levels of jackassery yourself, when you realize you'd rather talk and talk about how you like to be quiet after enjoying a movie than witness a repeat of when your xboyfriend ruined The Village for you with a ScoobyDoo crack.
And then he'll drop you off and not wait to make sure you get inside your apartment before speeding off. (Side bit of advice: creepy single-girl-who-lives-alone-attackers can wait next to poorly lit doorways. Side bit of advice 2: don't ever forget your keys on a date, just in case you're out with a drop off and drive off type.)
Two months later, you'll be out with a friend enjoying some half-price pizza. You try to back away from her and her would-be gentleman caller towards a table of your friends. Said table includes your former date. You make eye contact, smile, and begin to say hello. He picks up his beer and hides behind a pillar. This forces you to go and join your friend and her gentleman caller, who then tries to get rid of you by offering to buy you a beer if you can find out his friends' middle names, which he already knows.
And this, my friends, is why you don't get drunk until you've met everyone in town.

Also, don't ever give a mouse a cookie. I hear it starts off a bad chain of events.

*This is a graduation speech, after all. I gotta quote Frost.