Colin did not laugh. Instead, he thought, Tampons have strings? Why?*

A couple products have been pissing me off as of late.
We all know I love my big black eyeshadow circles, right? I use Cargo eye shadow (black isn't on the link, though). One of the reasons I went with Cargo was because of how big and deep the little dish-thing looked.
Well, it isn't. There's a steadily growing silver spot at the bottom of my eyeshadow, and I'm pissed off.
Plus, I was on the phone with my mom when I discovered this and got subsequently riled up, and there was a long explanation involved.
See, you have to understand, too: I looked FOREVER for a black matte eyeshadow. Not dark grey, but black. I used to have the perfect one (also Cargo), but it cracked in several pieces and then everytime I used it I was also playing CSI: Jessy's Apartment and collecting fingerprints from every damn surface.**
***
A box of 40 regular absorbency o.b. tampons is $7-fucking-.50 at the Walgreens near my apartment. Luckily, they were running a buy-one-get-one sale, or I would have been really mad. And I've been watching a lot of Deadwood lately, so that's kind of a scary thought.
I noticed that the box was talking up some sort of new and improved grooves along the outside of each tampon that are supposedly going to absorb more, but I didn't think on it too much because that's about when I passed the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Christmas Trees*** and had to buy one.
Yeah, those grooves? Not real absorbent. More like imcompetent. They're like little slides for the icky and the goo. It's like a water park of unabsorbency, and I keep picturing Napoleon at the water slides.
Where's my Ziggy Piggy, o.b.? Where!?
(Incidentally, you can tell I've got a crush that's getting a bit out of hand because even during the 2-boxes-of-applicatorless-tampons-and-a-Reese-Christmas-Tree Walgreen's trip, I was wondering if I'd run into him.) (And I'm listening to Belle and Sebastian cover "Don't Fear the Reaper" right now. It's pretty damn sweet.)

*Green, John. An Abundance of Katherines, 2006. My MLA/AACR bastard citation style is unstoppable. Dude, just read the damn book. I'm auditioning for a Hassan, incidentally. Except I think the ruckus I caused earlier tonight at Applebees puts me in the running for Tiff's Hassan. You know, after she comes back from her Grease reality show callbacks.
**The theme song to CSI: Jessy's Apartment is "Boris the Spider".
***Not as good as the eggs, but better than the pumpkins.