Read this, or you aren't my friend.

Twee as Fuck.
Also, Meg Cabot's latest entry is freakin' hilarious.
***
Someday, when I'm no longer spending library $$ at an incredible rate or figuring out how to make soaps that look like cupcakes with middle school girls, I'll have another real post, full of wheelchairs, princesses, giddiness, and my usual crankiness.
I promise.

a quick update

Hey, I changed stuff around at my Etsy store so that you can buy stuff with credit cards now. Also, soon, hopefully, I'll be adding more stuff I've made that you've probably seen around my house.

(an example)

I actually have standards. Who knew?

Some guidelines, theories, and equations.

If person A has a steady work schedule, an apartment, a small enough social life that there's really only 3 places they can usually be found, and a cell phone and person B has a work schedule that changes from week to week, couch surfiness, and an answering machine that still uses the robot voice, who calls who?

I realized last week that I've taken the Eddie Izzard approach to booktalking. I've got a few notes, and I ramble, and it's funny. Sometimes. I hope.
And I wear a lot of makeup, except I don't think I look like an uglier, older Pink in it. Which is a shame, because Izzard's not a bad-looking guy, 'til he gets all Glamour Shotsed.
Not to say he shouldn't wear makeup at all. Just not like in those pictures from that Bust article awhile back.

As soon as I buy a new box of condoms, my reason for needing 'em seems to fall of the face of the earth. Leading to this equation...

2 weeks + nothing = invented closure.

If an informal survey (OK, looking at people's MySpace profiles) turns up more married hipster and punkish mid20s kids than single ones in an area, does that make a 26 year old a spinster, or just someone who should start thinking about relocation?
(Don't worry--I'm still thinking that relocation is a few years off. But people should start working to get their local teen librarians fired now. Public libraries have a lot of red tape.)

(7 balls of Lamb's Pride bulky x $7) + $4.95 flat shipping + fun times spent knitting Skully > at least $50 for a cute oversized warm sweater + the annoyance of trying to find such a sweater + shipping and handling
Greater in terms of the better idea, not greater in terms of which is the bigger investment for less.
ETA: January.

Look, if you compliment me and then reassure me of your sobriety, somehow it makes it less of a compliment. Also, kinda creepy.
Scratch that. Really creepy.

The number of sexy bunny-costumed girls in a room is indirectly proportional to the number of minutes I spend in that room.

S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G, we're shopping

I broke down and bought a box of condoms I'd actually use before I figured out what to do with box A.
Which is why I found myself in the local Walmart the other night with a open, yet full box of non-spermicidal condoms with gluestick all over the opening.
This would be after the realization that I'd have to pay postage to send the box to the company and declare my dissatisfaction.
Which is why I found myself in my office, furtively gluesticking the top of an open, yet full box of condoms, hoping to god no one would come in and see what I was doing.
Brian used to tell all these stories about what walmarts would take back, so I figured this would be a cinch. Except, here's a word of advice: if you're gluesticking a box of condoms, don't use the purple Colorations brand, 'cause it just plain won't stick.
And I was planning to use that store credit to buy catfood, too.
There go my chances at this year's Spinsterlympics, I guess.

I come from Chino, where the asphalt sprouts.

(I'm still mad at myself for not using that as the title for my O.C.fest.)
The Mountain Goats are playing at the Warhol this Friday, and I'm just so mad I'm missing this.
Here's a quick list of other bands I've missed, that I really really really want to see someday:

1. The Shins: Driving to this show was when Buddy's thermostat-thing futzed out in Shelbyville. Nate had a great slightly fictionalized account of this on his website, but preliminary Google-ness isn't bringing anything up.
2. Morrissey: Do we need to mention the Ill-Fated Morrissy show? Do we?
3. Belle & Sebastian were playing Columbus one night, and I could have driven to see them, but I had a paper or exam or something the next day and decided to be a responsible little librarian-in-training instead. Stupid me.

Billboard Oct 22

• Billboard is now doing the same thing Publishers Weekly, where it has 2 covers and the first one is an ad masquerading as a magazine cover.
• Personally, I think it's sad that Thalia couldn't get on the cover, so she went the ad route instead.
• She'll show that Eric Clapton!
• OK, I'm pretty much over They Might Be Giants, but: knitted! KNITTED!
• So cute.
• They remind me of that video with the muppet-type puppets. Tiff knows what I'm talking about.
• And that reminds me of the State sketch where they eat Muppet.
• "I need someone to teach me about near and far!"
• They're making jukeboxes now with slots to scan a credit card.
• I guess now I have no choice but to save all my quarters for laundry.
• Even though, since I did 3 huge loads last night, I'll be able to hold out until Thanksgiving, and then 'til Christmas and can do it at home.
• Such a chicken or the egg:
• Do I hate doing laundry b/c I've got so many clothes and always wait til the last possible minute to schlep to the laundromat,
• or do I have so many clothes so I only have to worry about laundry once a month or so?
• MTV goes Canadian, again.
• Hot damn on a biscuit, Greg Dulli is a sexy bitch.
• Oh, and he's got a new album out or something, should be good.
• Rod Stewart irritates me.
• Here's a quick list of things about Rod Stewart that don't annoy me:
• jokes involving "If you think I'm sexy"
• "Maggie May" and covers of Maggie May
• a few assorted other Faces gems
• But this standards shit has got to go.
• And I'm not just saying that b/c the horrible "station" we played at Kinko's had them in serious rotation.
• I swear, that thing had like 50 songs that they'd just play over and over again.
• Sometimes, I'm in Denny's or something, and I'll recognize a song, then I'll recognize the next, and realize that they've got the same stupid station playing.
• I hate that.
• In Mexico, there are Dulce de Leche Kisses.
• and Mango and Tamarind Jolly Ranchers.
• How can I get my hands on these!?
• This is the best Soulful (TM) picture I've ever seen: sepia-toned, heavy glasses, downcast eyes, cord blazer, hand over one eye, wedding band prominently displayed.
• Was this taken by his daughter in her 9th grade photography class or something? Yeesh.
• Secretly Canadian is all over this thing.
• Cat Steven makes an appearance on the new Dolly Parton album. This is quite possibly the best thing I've heard in awhile.
• ooooooooooo, review of the new Silver Jews.
• and a review of the new Jordan Knight single, too.
• HEE
• "I've always wanted to marry Elton John," says Barry Manilow.

Hey, I got links now. You have to scroll way far down to see 'em, since I've been all about the ginormous pictures lately.
I know I've forgotten people and things. Use the comments field to remind me, s'il vous plait.
And do I really need to say that it's not an insult if I've forgotten to link you, I'm just dumb?

reason #612 on the Why Tiff Kicks Ass List

She's reading the entire Babysitters Club series and recapping them for our blog-reading pleasure.
***
Just for fun, here's a picture of Stuart in a hat, because I am 12.

Actually, I'm looking for a good pic for my Poster Boy bag, to be started sometime in January.