the angels wanna wear my red shoes

I just need to reglue 'em first.
Billboard, August 13, 2005

• OK, there's NARM, the National Association of Recording Merchandisers and there's NARM the Television Without Pity joke. Can someone tell me the joke without spoiling Six Feet Under past the third season? Because I'm afraid to read the site to find out, in case it gives shit away.
• The teaser line, "DVD Growing Up," is accompanied by a picture of something Motley Crue related. No comment.
• I would like to comment, however, on that Tommy Lee college reality show. The fuck!? Can't they just bring "Undeclared" back instead?
• I forget, are show titles italicized or in quotes?
• Who cares, anyway? This is the internet and a blog, right, Michael Gorman?
• OK, that was mean and outdated.
• And he has a good message, you guys.
• Robbie, Robbie Williams, is so awesome!
• That's my new song.
• He's got some deal with TMobile, and he's wearing a cravat with a tshirt and a belt with tiny metal studs all over it.
• And now I'm staring at a picture of Robbie Williams crotch, while at work.
• I heart my job!
• Fannypack's in a Kmart ad!? I love Fannypack!
• Now they have a good message, all nonfunny joking aside.
• Is your crotch hungry, girl, 'cause it's eating your pants.
• And I imagine this a message that Kmart shoppers in particular might have missed.
• What videos did Mark Romanek direct again? "Jeremy"?
• Most sensible thing I've read in this rag in a long while (about radio payola and indie label radio play): "If the majors can spend millions to bribe radio, then they're clearly not hurting and people won't feel bad about downloading for free."--Sub Pop A&R guy, Tony Kiewel.
• Also, how many of us would download as much stuff for free, just to hear new stuff we have a chance of liking, if the radio actually played new shit we wanted to hear?
• B/c I love when radio is good. I love the surprise of hearing a great song, of discovering a new great song, unexpectedly. And that doesn't happen if you, like me, are a rock snob and live in a town without a decent college radio station.
• Or "This American Life".
• Funk you, local NPR affiliate.
• Yeah, I wanted to say fuck, but liked my typo too much to correct.
• I think Todd Martens "office" is in a Newbury Comics, b/c a good 80% of his articles contain quotes from Newberry employees. I'm surprised Tiff hasn't been quoted yet.
• In fact, missy, that is your new goal--get quoted in Billboard magazine.
• Not, you know, finding a librarian job (who wants to scream at the ALA's recruitment-without-job-placement obsession with us?) or making Jenn normal or anything.
• Oh Oh Oh! Rhino Records story! If there's anything that equals Jessy love quite like Rhino Records, I'd like to buy it a drink.
• Although, frankly, I'm so much of a mooch that anything that would inspire that kind of love would be buying me a drink.
• Thanks, Grandma Eva!
• This interview with Brett Wickard, who founded some Maine music store chain, is amazing. I'm going to find a link, so everyone out in Internetville can read it, too. Damn, you have to have a log-in to read the whole thing. Get off your ass and go to the library to read it, people. It's on page 18.
• Here's the link to a step before the article (it's the last item), if you want to try your luck.
• The iTunes chief music operator used to work A&R for Rhino, for 25 years.
• Fun fact.
• New Big Star record?
• Rick Rubin + Neil Diamond = ???
• There aren't words to describe this album art.
• Except that, if you threw a naked lady in there, I'd swear I argued with this guy about the price of color copies in Philadelphia a couple years ago, while he stared at my "name tag".
• By "name tag", I mean boobs.
• And, yes, I had to spell that out, because there's a decided lack of Mariah to this issue, and I need to use at least one euphemism for breasts in every one of these posts.
• The 3 words you never thought you'd read: "Stryper Rocks Again"
• seriously
• hold me
• I'm frightened
• Hootie...
• Mmmm, I smell toner. I love the smell of toner, don't you?
• It's good to see that Juliana Hatfield hasn't let being an angel/ghost of a homeless girl stop her from making records.
• We had one of those fights, where it feels like the fight is having you.
• And we all forget about the teenager who is alive and actually being abused, because he is "bisexual" and not white.
• At least until his English sub (who also is the only adult sensitive enough to notice the pretty, illiterate boy) and his man take him in.

an important BSC update

And, yes, I fully realize I should save these things up and try to contain myself to one post a day.
VITAL INFORMATION
There's another Billboard in my mailbox, so yunz have that to look forward to.

and then I found $5

That's how I got pinkeye, sort of.
Seriously, that guy's stuff is great and adorable. And he's on Craftster in a Grumpy Bear costume.
The link's correct this time.

but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need

My parents used to sing "You Can't Always Get What You Want" to us when we became whiny and demanding little children.
Anyway, this is the Billboard recap for Aug 6, 2005.

• The Rolling Stones are so old, the world has run out of elderly Rolling Stones jokes. And don't get me wrong--I don't think there's some age limit on Rock, but I just think it's a little weird that they haven't really changed or grown much, musically in all that time. They seem to be doing the same sorts of songs, just with less energy. Plus, they've all gotten really ugly.
• Has anyone heard America's first Hip Hop Radio Soap Opera, "What's Poppin"? I expect a full report.
• "Chillious, like a modern day Picasso paints portraits in your mind with his microphone."--I'd love to know how much $$ was spent on this full page ad, and if there really isn't a better, more underground and perhaps more full of street cred, way for this guy to get his music out. Also, I'm annoyed by the lack of a second comma in that quote.
• Hey, I'm painting portraits in your mind like Picasso, too!
• mommy mommy mommy screech! Yeah, that video you're checking out is really more important than your whiny kid. Maybe you should sing some Rolling Stones to it.
• All joking and bitchiness aside, I'm really interested to see where this schools-partnering-with-Napster-etc-like-they-do-with-other-databases thing goes. Anybody know anyone who goes to a school that offers music downloading discounts? It's a cool idea.
• MuchMusic is owned by a company called "CHUM", which makes me think of the RV place on the Simpsons (or was is the pool place?): "Where the buyer is our chum!"
• Good ol' Avril. What's she been up to these days, anyway? There's something so utterly Canadian aboot that girl, eh?
• John Peel in the UK Music Hall of Fame. YAY.
• Faith Hill is wearing a reeeeeeeeeeeally ugly green flowy black sequiny shirt on page 14. Tucked into jeans.
• Gavin Rossdale's new band is called Institute.
• Did you know he's also playing Gerard Malanga in that xMme Law Sedgewick biopic?
• Travesty!
• Agh! Scary fairy Barbie! Huge!
• Here's where I make my first Mariah's boobies joke of the issue.
• On page 22, Alicia Keys is wearing a dress that looks like Li'l Kim rejected it for being too ugly.
• You don't mix animals in the same dress, Alicia, sweetie darling.
• Jamiroquai are still around?
• Remember when Jamie Oliver had that episode of the Naked Chef where he was all excited to cook for his favorite band?
• And it was Jamiroquai?
• And we all died a little inside?
• Well, I did, at least. I don't know about you other people.
• Is it so hard to find a cooking boy with decent musical taste!?
• preferably a cute accent, too
• Setzer's new album is a tribute to Sun Records. That could be really great, or it could suck like, um...something sucky.
• new Backstreet single? WTF?
• OK, so I had last Friday off and for some reason was up ass-early anyway (I think that reason might be called little kitty noses on my face and little kitty claws in my feet) and was watching a little Good Morning America--that's the NBC one, right?--and Faith Hill was on, presumably promoting her new album.
• But she did that "Breathe" song from years ago.
• Does this make sense to anyone? You lead with the new stuff, I always thought. Unless the new stuff is really lame, in which case you should just give up and go home.
• You hear that, Rivers?
• "while the seductive "Rockhouse" offers an invitation to ecstasy as pure as a haiku"
• Just a warning, I'm going to be describing things as "pure as a haiku" now.
• b/c I like to run a joke into the ground
• and then I found $5/got pinkeye/fell down a hill and made out with Chuck
• Hootie are signed to Vanguard now. Good to know.
• Who else is on Vanguard? I feel like it's someone I like, or used to like, or something.
• There was a Styx/Peter Frampton tour in 2004!? Where was I, and why wasn't I informed?
• Chris Columbus directed Rent? hmmmmmmm
• end of magazine
• Thank you and goodnight.

It's like a father/son picnic over here.

My director and I are wearing the same shirt today. Mine, from the boys' section of Old Navy, has a larger pattern than his, and mine is untucked, the sleeves are rolled up, and I'm wearing no tie, but still: a bit odd.
Am I going to have to call Marissa the next time I want to wear this shirt? "Hey, peek into the office and see what shirt he's wearing, please!"

That is all.

taking the lazy way out, and putting my business all over the damn internet

The bulk of the message sent to the boy, now the xboy:

OK, I know it's totally lame (and somewhat hypocritical of me) to say all this in a MySpace message, but:
a) I don't want to leave this on a voice mail message
b) I tend to articulate myself better in print, and say things I can't say out loud, b/c I'm a total secret wuss
c) I'm hoping that, even though a lot of this is repetition, it will come through and get through to you better this way.
So sorry, but there's reasons.
OK, I think I need to say it again: I don't want a big serious important relationship. Here's what I do want: someone to hang out with a couple times a week, hook up with, and generally goof around with. And I think we had that down pretty well, before you got all weird. And I totally hate being all, You said it first!, but you did: you're the one who brought up the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, and I went along b/c it seemed like the titles meant more to you than to me.
And, see, I don't want to be in a place above any of your other friend, but I don't want to be below, either. If you had plans with friend A and friend B called, what would you do? That's really all I expect. Because that's what I expect from ALL of my friends, whether I'm making out with them or not.
I have a tendency to write people off when I get annoyed with them, and I'm really trying to not do that with you. And, again, I'm totally sorry about the MySpace message thing. But don't feel too bad about your voice mail bit: that's how you needed to get everything out. And, honestly, I kind of expected it. But see, that's a problem, too: that I've come to just assume you'll flake out.
So here's what I propose: we both take a few weeks, settle down, act all single again (whatever that may mean for either of us), you process all this, and then let me know what you come up with, using whatever method you feel comfy with. Because I do like you Boy, and I like hanging out with you. I just don't like being left hanging, and try not to put up with it in anybody.
But first, I think you should quickly send me a message back, just so I know you got this and read it. Also, send it to my email, so we're no longer doing the stupid MySpace thing.
Just as a head's-up, I am switching my thing back to single (another thing I did in the first place b/c it seemed to mean more to you), and I can't guarantee I'm not going to date other people--of course, I don't date a hell of a lot, so that really doesn't mean much about activity, more about intention, you know?

There's a lot more I could say here, but I don't want to say it to the internet before I say it to him, because I'm trying to retain some semblance of privacy and propriety here. For once.
***
On a completely different track of my brain, and Cara, I totally hold you partially responsible for this, everytime I hear a news item about the Supreme Court, particularly when Chief Justice Earl Warren is mentioned, this conversation immediately, immediately, IMMEDIATELY goes through my head:
"Why can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?"
"Earl Warren was never a stripper!"
"Oh, now who's being naive?"

Never let it be said that I'm not random.
Also, I'll be out dancing tonight, if anybody would like to witness me throwing myself at anybody (or perhaps be thrown at themselves, but I make no promises). Get there relatively early, b/c I had to be up ass-early this morning and then sit in stupid 10K traffic, so I don't know how long I'll last.

I may not be cowardly or frigid, but at least I can emasculate something.

Thursday morning started perfectly. I had a little bit of that gross post-beer taste in my mouth, but that was the only sign of the Wednesday night birthdayathon. The temperature was perfect: it had even been a little chilly the night before, which is why I was under my comforter. My brand new comforter (look, isn't it cute?) that I had ony pulled out of the packaging Wednesday night, because even though I can think, ooo, cheap cute blankie! during a heat advisory, I can't be bothered to open said blankie, or even move it further into the apartment than the top of the stairs.
Anyway, I go into the kitchen, apologize to the boys while giving them the last of their food, totally blaming this non-dress-wearing jerk for distracting me from catfood shopping the night before. I make breakfast. I take said breakfast back into my room, and have no sooner set everything down and gotten comfy again when I spy, over the edge of my mug, a certain furry someone who evidentally doesn't agree with me about the cuteness of the new comforter. He thinks it should be yellower and stinky, if you catch my drift. His jerkass brother agrees.*
Which is why I spent all of my work breaks yesterday at the laundromat. Don't worry, the smell seems to be all gone.
Which is why my mattress was still wet from stank-be-gone and I had to sleep on my futon couch last night.
Which is why I borrowed the livetrap from Becca and Kevin (stars of such stories as That Time I Got Stuck on the On-Ramp and You Can Rent a Fern!?).
Which is why I spent my 25 minute commute this morning listening to increasingly demanding mews, escalating into straight-up pissed off yowls once we got into the vet's office.
Which is why, I like to think, I was too distracted to notice what plastic container I grabbed this morning, leading me to mistakenly bring a brick of plain tofu, extra firm, for lunch. Yum.
I tried to take a picture of the caged furriness in my backseat, but my camera's battery decided to go off right then. And I'm really really hoping they'll still be woozy on the way back.
Mrow!

*Weirdly enough, Johnny was the first one to let go; usually any jerk behavior is started by the Legster.