Nothing in the crib but baby.

Billboard April 29, 2006

• There's a billboard (OMG!!! I'm so postmodern!) on my way home from work that I guess is for babysafety or something. It tells drivers-by about how babies sleep best on their backs.
  
• And at the bottom, it says, "Nothing in the crib but baby."
  
• I find this to be HILARIOUS.
  
• I want to make a shirt that says, "Nothing in the crib but baby!"
  
• Right after I doctor up a boring cheap suitcase with a deer stencil so I'll be able to find it in the New Orleans airport.
  
• Oh yeah, I'm going to ALA this year. It's in New Orleans at the end of June.
  
• I'm doing the help-rebuild volunteer day, too.
  
• Which is why I bought shorts the other day--there's no way I'm doing any kind of building anything ourside in New Orleans at the end of June in jeans.
  
• Speaking of my arbitrary rules, I'm feeling the need to give a bit of beard explanation.
  
• A bit of centralized beard explanation, so I never have to explain all this again.
  
• First of all, I do like the way they look. I've had many a bearded friend that I approved of.
  
• But here's where I'd like you to do an experiment:

1. Go thrift a fur coat. Make it a cheap one, like something only the neaveau riche and/or Li'l Kim would approve of.
   
2. Run your shower on hot for as long as you can. Build up some steam. (this experiment is good for your pores, too!)
   
3. Now, go in your bathroom and rub that coat on your face. Or, if you have a pet, you could use Fluffy.

• My other problem with dating the bearded is admittedly more a problem with a specific Beardo that I would like to never ever again face.
  
• Because, rationally, I know that most people can eat without reminding me of this old Reading Rainbow episode where they fed a red panda and he smushed banana all over his face.
  
• So, in conclusion: beards may look good, provided there isn't food all smushed in them, but they don't feel good.
  
• At least not to this girl.
  
• Hey, remember that part in Why Girls Are Weird where Pamie talks about her stinky stinky clogs?
  
• I fear my new favorite shoes are going the same route.
  
• Oh yeah, it's the Latin Special.
  
• High definition DVDs are being released, and the picture they chose to illustrate this news with is Tom Cruise riding into battle in The Last Samurai.
  
• Hey, everyone, remember going to see that movie?
  
• Yeah, that's what I thought.
  
• Sony's making Walkman-branded mp3 player/phones; T-Mobile's doing the service; and ROBBY WILLIAMS is doing a special edition.
  
• I kind of really want one.
  
• Did everyone see that bowl haircut picture of Robby Pink is the New Blog had up?
  
• Yeesh.
  
• Jazz is boring. I just don't care about it.
  
• Don't you love when I make these ridiculous pronouncements?
  
• And you know what, you guys? Racism isn't very nice.
  
• You know what else isn't very nice?
  
• Just walking up to your friendly neighborhood librarian's desk and saying, "Internet," or, "Computer."
  
• Uh oh! Rihanna, the girl that sings "SOS" (the song that samples "Tainted Love" that I never shut up about) has a ballad coming out.
  
• Nothing quite like a cheesy R&B ballad.
  
• Also, I kind of hate that the Goo Goo Dolls have a new album coming out.
  
• Anyone heard the Erasure acoustic album yet?
  
• I wanna hear "A Little Respect" unplugged.
  
• Now I've got that stupid "Bad Day" song stuck in my head.
  
• Could be worse: yesterday Becca asked me to id a song for her and it turned out to be Lita Ford's "Kiss Me Deadly".
  
• Cmon, pretty baby, kiss me deadly.