OK, I know it's totally lame (and somewhat hypocritical of me) to say all this in a MySpace message, but:
a) I don't want to leave this on a voice mail message
b) I tend to articulate myself better in print, and say things I can't say out loud, b/c I'm a total secret wuss
c) I'm hoping that, even though a lot of this is repetition, it will come through and get through to you better this way.
So sorry, but there's reasons.
OK, I think I need to say it again: I don't want a big serious important relationship. Here's what I do want: someone to hang out with a couple times a week, hook up with, and generally goof around with. And I think we had that down pretty well, before you got all weird. And I totally hate being all, You said it first!, but you did: you're the one who brought up the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, and I went along b/c it seemed like the titles meant more to you than to me.
And, see, I don't want to be in a place above any of your other friend, but I don't want to be below, either. If you had plans with friend A and friend B called, what would you do? That's really all I expect. Because that's what I expect from ALL of my friends, whether I'm making out with them or not.
I have a tendency to write people off when I get annoyed with them, and I'm really trying to not do that with you. And, again, I'm totally sorry about the MySpace message thing. But don't feel too bad about your voice mail bit: that's how you needed to get everything out. And, honestly, I kind of expected it. But see, that's a problem, too: that I've come to just assume you'll flake out.
So here's what I propose: we both take a few weeks, settle down, act all single again (whatever that may mean for either of us), you process all this, and then let me know what you come up with, using whatever method you feel comfy with. Because I do like you Boy, and I like hanging out with you. I just don't like being left hanging, and try not to put up with it in anybody.
But first, I think you should quickly send me a message back, just so I know you got this and read it. Also, send it to my email, so we're no longer doing the stupid MySpace thing.
Just as a head's-up, I am switching my thing back to single (another thing I did in the first place b/c it seemed to mean more to you), and I can't guarantee I'm not going to date other people--of course, I don't date a hell of a lot, so that really doesn't mean much about activity, more about intention, you know?
There's a lot more I could say here, but I don't want to say it to the internet before I say it to him, because I'm trying to retain some semblance of privacy and propriety here. For once.
***
On a completely different track of my brain, and Cara, I totally hold you partially responsible for this, everytime I hear a news item about the Supreme Court, particularly when Chief Justice Earl Warren is mentioned, this conversation immediately, immediately, IMMEDIATELY goes through my head:
"Why can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?"
"Earl Warren was never a stripper!"
"Oh, now who's being naive?"
Never let it be said that I'm not random.
Also, I'll be out dancing tonight, if anybody would like to witness me throwing myself at anybody (or perhaps be thrown at themselves, but I make no promises). Get there relatively early, b/c I had to be up ass-early this morning and then sit in stupid 10K traffic, so I don't know how long I'll last.
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