"Get a pint of Guinness down your neck, and pick that guitar up."--Noel Gallagher, my new best friend

Billboard, August 27, 2005

• Diddy is possibly the worst name ever. Worse, even, than Apple. And I know all sorts of jokes have already been made about this (I’m sure), but…come on. Please.
  
• This topless Mariah picture is too close to the beginning of the magazine. I need a few pages before I can get real mean about her.
  
• That being said, she does look smaller in this one.
  
• How come in photographs, wet girls always have perfect makeup? What kinda makeup are these girls wearing? Paging Sally J Freedman, Sally J Freedman to the blog, please.
  
• That’s my favorite Judy Blume book. Also her most autobiographical, she’s said.
  
• Although when I first looked at this picture, I totally missed the arm shadow and thought this was a Mariah’s huge tits with water splashing off the nipples picture.
  
• But, you know, a picture of Bush is too controversial for the VMAs
  
• Which I used to really like watching
  
• Green Day just look plastic and melty in their rainy makeup. Except the bassist looks kinda hot, which I’ve never thought before.
  
• ooo, more Oasis
  
• Garth Brooks’ entire catalog will now only be available at Sam’s Club and Wal-Mart
  
• I’m happy about never having to look at another Garth Brooks records when I’m shopping for music, if I did that anymore.
  
• What about the used stuff, though? It’s funny how no one talks about used cds destroying the music business (remember that argument?) now that the internet is on computers.
  
• Maude, eh?
  
• Ryan Seacrest has his own clothing line now.
  
• Insert your own homosexuality-related joke here.
  
• And then, if you would like to turn left and go into the dragon’s lair, turn to page 16.
  
• ”We think globally, but we never forget Canada,” says Jeffrey Remedios of Arts & Crafts. Hee—Canada
• Liz Phair’s shoes don’t match her dress on page 19. Will someone just get this girl to quit, please? Or give her so much plastic surgery and a costume so she no longer looks like my Liz? ‘Cause you’re breaking my heart here, girl.
• page 16: The dragon thanked you for delivering a tasty snack. THE END
• Aw, Beck
• Beck AND Belle & Sebastian!? AND THE LEMONHEADS! All this thing needs is for Jonathan Rhys Meyers to do
  
• This year's theme for the VMAs is water, everybody. I know I'm excited.
  
• Actually, that's kinda not a joke. Anybody with cable want to mockingly watch?
  
• "Blur were a fucking mess." I wish all bands were as blunt as Oasis. And so willing to hold a grudge.
  
• It keeps me entertained, and that's what really counts in this crazy world of ours, right? Right?
  
• This is just an all around great interview. It starts on page 33, and everyone should read it.
  
• "Added to that, me and Liam were eminently quotable the whole time."
  
• Oh, I'm only like halfway through, but I'm bored. Here endeth the endless Billboard recap that no one cares about anyway. But seriously, you should read that Oasis interview. Gold, people. Gold.