Anybody got a flashlight I can hold under my chin?

In the Year 2000: My So-Called Life Edition
(also includes some Jessy-looking-back-ness and a bit of Krakow-bitching)

OK, this show always seemed to flirt with being a suburb of Pittsburgh, so I may make some Southwestern PA-specific references. My geographic proof: Brian's got a 3 Rivers Arts Festival poster, there's a shot (I think when they go see Buffalo Springfield) of a PATransit bus stop sign (if I was really good, I could tell you what busses--buses?--were on it and figure out where the show took place from that), and the Chases have the Carnegie Museum Romare Beardon poster on the wall. I know, because my parents have the same poster. But are we really to believe the Chase parents would attend a museum show of a working class African-American artist? I'm not buying it...
On with the show!
Angela: Still dyes her hair red. Has her master's in teaching (congrats, Lara!!). Teaches remedial high school English classes. Every one expects her to burn out, but she's still going. Last month, she had a very that-scene-in-Fargo-where-Marge-looks-up-her-old-"friend" dinner with Brian Krakow. Except he didn't cry or lie about dead wives. Or lie when he cries.
Brian Krakow has a wife, who he would totally leave for Angela, if she just said the word. He's a professor in the History and Philosophy of Science Department at Pitt. They've adopted a couple kids, who walk all over him. One of them is a student of Angela's, which is how he says he found her, but really he's been Googling her regularly since graduation.
[A Brian Krakow aside: do boys really think that the answer to attaining the seemingly unattainable girl is to spend as much time following her around, being an assface? 'Cause it really isn't. If you can't be nice to a girl you like who doesn't like you, or has no clue you like her, perhaps you should avoid her, or simply tell her the truth, instead of pissing her off. Just a thought.]
Rayanne = rehab. Then she moves in with Rickie, until he kicks her and her deadbeat boyfriend out. She discovers a talent for fancy restaurant waitressing, spent some time at the Lamont, and now works at Angela's dad's restaurant. The deadbeat boyfriend is no longer a boyfriend, but still on her couch.
Jordan Catalano got caught stealing a car with his older brother. Luckily, his lawyer took pity on him and took him to live with his family in Upper St Clair, where he met a girl named Anna, who taught him to read using comic books and a plastic horse. And I would now what he had been up to very recently, except our stupid president had to interrupt to force his idiotic and extremely selfish plans for Social Security on the country.
Rickie: This is hard! Rickie has a string of older, richer, kinda pushy boyfriends until he finally wises up and leaves the Pegasus alone. This is also when he decides to move off of the Mexican War Streets, and onto the Southside, despite a somewhat sordid history with a clerk at that Carnegie Library branch. One night, he goes to Zythos for 1/2 priced martinis and a blind date (set up by his foster dads, who are still doing the same things they were in the show), which goes tremendously well. Rickie works for Highmark, and is always nice to the temp. Most days, he eats lunch with a girl who likes to pretend 60s-era Pete Townsend is going to marry her.
Angela's former best friend whose name I can't remember: see Kristy. Except with whats-his-face, who she was having sex with. You remember that whole thing, right? Aside from Angela's mom, she's the main person looking for signs of burnt-out-Angela.
Angela's dad left Angela's mom, and for a much better lady. He's patched his relationship with Angela, but Danielle is another story. He finally got that damn restaurant off the ground.
Angela's mom got over Angela's dad surprising quickly, by moving on to an even more ready-to-be-whipped jerk. Angela can't stand him, but Danielle likes all the extra attention and presents. Angela's mom also is even more work-crazed and horrible. For awhile, she tried to lie to new friends and business contacts about the number of marriages she's had. She's also had every photo from Angela's teen years retouched, to "correct" the hair color.
Tino is still doing the exact same thing. Like McConoughy in Dazed and Confused, he gets older but they stay the same age.
Danielle works for the stupid printing business. She always talks about finding a new job, because her mom is always over her shoulder, never trusts her with any responsibility, etc etc, but still needs her mommy. Here's hoping she actually grows a pair sometime soon. Angela just wishes she'd stop calling all the time.

Well? Thoughts?