Think of it this way: you can either be successful, or be us.

That's right, more Billboard nonsense.

• page 6: "The suit alleges NBC canceled Motley Crue's appearance on 'Last Call With Carson Daly' and that the lack of media exposure from that cancellation hurt album sales." So swearing on Leno and NBC's retaliation is the only thing hurting the Crue's latest album?


• Can I mention how much Paul McCartney annoys me without getting my head bitten off? On a related note, have people seen George Harrison's son? I was watching this ET Star Wills thing last night on TV, and I had to call my mom, he's so hot.


• It's good living with you, awwwahhhh: "Better Than Ezra's new album..." Why, lord, why?


• also page 10: That new Better Than Ezra album? Released partially through Song, Delta's lowcost, boutique line. Whatever that means. But I think I would pay extra $$ to not have to listen to Better Than Ezra while in a machine that could plummet to the ground and kill me. The plummeting would be too tempting


• And before you guys (OK, "K") start accusing me of being too elitist, snobby, cranky, whatever, I fully admit to having had a Better Than Ezra tape. In middle school. In 1991.


• Hey, Richard, there's a picture on page 16 where Scott Weiland has your "glam" mullet. I think you should beat him up for stealing your hair. Also for making a band composed mostly of members of Guns'N'Roses sound so damn much like Stone Temple Pilots.


• Secretly Canadian is issuing The Shield Around the K: the K Records Story, which makes up for the ugly shirt the codirector of Why Should the Devil Have All the Good Music? is wearing in this photo. I'd like to see both of these, but no library around me will order either, I'm betting, and their not exactly suitable for my teenhole, either.


• Jack White looks a lot like Adam Duritz in the photo on page 22, and, as all MST3K fans know, Adam Duritz is the most repulsive thing in the universe. Tiff? Brian? What episode is that from? I can't remember.


• There's a girl on the roof and she thinks she's a cat.


• This What Teens Want marketing event is so creepy. I know full well that executives think like that, so cynically and Josie and the Pussycats movie-ish, but I hate when it's this obvious. Yuck. I think you really have to see the ad to get the full effect, so go here


• Huge, multi-page Maroon5 extravaganza. I think I feel a hairball coming up.


• Backstreet Boys also have a new album coming out. Joey, Jordan, Jon, and Danny need to sit these fellas down and have a little chat. Donnie can't come: he's doing that acting career thing. Or setting fire to a hotel room, I forget which.


• Are Seether named after the Veruca Salt song? I've been wondering for awhile...


• Mariah Carey's boobs are definitely bigger than they used to be. Poll: implants or secret kid?

I'm done now. I'll be a nice quiet good girl for the rest of the day.